I Quit My Job! How to Cope with Stress as an Enneagram 3
Life update: I quit my job! After spending the last three years working in tech, I decided I was ready to try freelancing, so stay tuned for that! To be transparent, this was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. In my previous post about life as an Enneagram type 3, I talked about how I find a lot of my identity in my work. Without a job, I don’t have anything to define me — I’m just me. This is a perfect case study of an Enneagram 3 in stress. How am I coping?
I’m glad you asked. I wish that I could say that I was thriving, but in reality, it’s a challenging transition. I experience a lot of stress in my life, but this type of change is unprecedented. While I know it was the right decision and am excited, I’m pretty risk-averse, and taking a leap into the unknown is very unlike me. As I figure out what work looks like moving forward, I’m still trying to process. I haven’t figured it out, but here are a few thoughts on how to cope as an Enneagram 3 in stress.
Remind yourself of who you are.
Enneagram 3s are notorious for being hard on themselves, and 3s in stress are more likely to believe their greatest fear of being worthless has come true. Tune out the negative self-talk and reach out to your support network. Ask your friends and family to tell you who you are! They will remind you of your gifts but also that you are not defined by them.
My husband, family, and friends have been so kind and supportive during this time. They encourage me by believing in me and affirming me. But most importantly, they remind me that my identity ultimately has nothing to do with my achievements or my failures — it’s rooted in who I am as a child of God.
Take a break before you burn out.
Most Enneagram 3s really enjoy working, and work isn’t just done at a desk. My husband jokes about how I spend my free time being productive. I find a lot of fulfillment in my personal goals, home projects, and hobbies. While work is a good thing, and it certainly isn’t bad to find joy in it, sometimes you need to take a break — from everything.
However, Enneagram 3s in stress take on characteristics of unhealthy 9s and sometimes take it too far by becoming completely disengaged and apathetic. That’s why it’s important to take a break before you get to that point. Now is the time to embrace your unproductive hobbies! You can be productive if you want to be, but do it because you enjoy it, not because it makes you feel accomplished. Take the time to rest and find things that give you life. For example, I love cooking and baking, but right now I’m trying to cook less elaborate meals so I can rest and hang out with our kitten, Mochi.
Create healthy rhythms.
Since Enneagram 3s have a natural tendency toward workaholism, an Enneagram 3 in stress is even more prone to this. After you’ve had time to rest, figure out how to create healthy rhythms so you can have some balance in your life. Set boundaries and have the people close to you hold you accountable.
Since I’m typing this at 11:57 pm, clearly I need to work on this. As I figure out what freelancing looks like, I alternate between resting and working too much. Especially as a 3, it’s easy to fall into the lie of needing to achieve something to be valuable. A healthy rhythm I am trying to establish is to not exceed my goals by working harder or longer than I planned. For example, when I set out to write a blog post in a day, I shouldn’t start another one after I finish it (guilty). Even when I’m having fun and think it doesn’t hurt to ignore my boundaries, it takes a toll over time. My husband has been great at calling me out when I get too far into the “zone,” but it takes time and consistency to establish healthy rhythms.
As I said, I clearly don’t have everything figured out, but I’m excited to see how this transition challenges me and helps me grow as a person. For all my fellow 3s and high achievers out there, how do you cope with stress?
